Post by {Lunarstar} on Jul 2, 2010 6:59:24 GMT -6
Please tell me which Path you think would make my short story better! Thanks. The story is called Castaway.
Preview:
Part One:
Castaway
Castaway
I clutch the hand of the person next to me tightly. I don’t even know him, but he returns the squeeze. When you know you’re about to die, the one thing people crave is company. Everyone on the plane is hugging, holding hands, or sobbing into each other’s shoulders. I don’t cry. I just hold the guy’s hand and wait. I know my death is inevitable, despite the pilot’s attempts. He’s turning us in the direction of a small island, a little smaller than our actual destination, Hawaii. He’s attempting to land there, but with our engines blown, we won’t make it. We all know it, too.
“Well, this really puts a damper on my summer vacation. I was so looking forward to my first visit to Hawaii! Remind me to send my parents a postcard.” the guy whose hand I’m holding jokes meekly. I don’t respond, how can I?
I stare out the window, watching as the nose of the plane starts tipping into the beginnings of a nose-dive. We’re about a meter from the apparently uninhabited island. So close, yet so far. The pilot’s door flew open and we can all see his perspiring face as he attempts to save us. I like him, not stopping his efforts to cry or call family, as some people decided to do. Instead, he’s fighting a battle with fate…and fate’s winning.
We’re gaining speed, coming closer to the island, yet also only a few yards above the water. I never really questioned how I’d die. I never thought it would happen so soon. I was expecting to die of old age, in my sleep… not in a plane crash.
I glance over at the man and ask, “What’s your name?” I figure it would be nice to have a new friend before dying. “I’m Kimberly. Kimberly Ann Fleming.”
“Robert Wallington.” he answers, giving me a quick smile before turning his attention back to the window. I do too.
We’re going to crash on the island, against a hue, ten foot high rock. Great. I die in a fiery plane crash. Our nose is almost completely straight down, and we’re about a foot from the shore. The water begins racing up at us and everything grows silent. No one’s crying or praying anymore. We all wait.
I stifle a sob, seeing my death coming is horrible. Robert squeezes my hand reassuringly. I give him a thankful look.
The last thing I remember is the look of pure terror on Robert’s face, then it all goes black…
I am writing the story for simple practice. I've never written in present tense before, so I decided to try! Tellme if you noticed any screw ups! Thanks! Also, feel free to offer path ideas!
